The Mad Tea Party The play
by InvaderSquishyHattress
Summary: This is just a little story I decided to write dedicated to Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. I appreciate all feedback. Enjoy!


**The Mad tea party**

**[Alice walks in and goes to sit at the table while Hatter is staring at her.]**

**March Hare: NO ROOM!**

**Alice: Why there is plenty of room.**

**March Hare: There is only room for the four of us!**

**Mad Hatter: There is plenty of room why there is one, two, three . .**

**[The Mad Hatter keeps counting while the March Hare is shouting]**

**March Hare: Shh! There is only room for us.**

**[The Mad Hatter is on 20 by now]**

**March Hare: Don't listen to him he's mad!**

**Mad Hatter: You are too rabbit... [Chuckles]**

**Alice: I'm leaving.**

**Mad Hatter: Her name was Emily… no Alex… A … ALICE!**

**Hare she's Alice!**

**March Hare: What makes you think that fruit loop?**

**[The Mad Hatter points to Alice's hair with his spoon]**

**March Hare: It is Alice!**

**Alice: [to herself] and they did not even ask what my name was.**

**March Hare: Waitress there is a "HARE" in my soup!**

**Mad Hatter: Is it [chuckles] Blonde?**

**Alice: Very funny.**

**Mad Hatter: Your hair is to long it needs to be cut. [He pulls out scissors from his ribbon on his hat]**

**Alice: How rude!**

**Cheshire cat: I am off my tea.**

**Mad Hatter: [Angrily] I was just about to cut Alice's hair, Underland is falling to pieces, we're all mad, and poor Cheshire is off his tea! [He throws the scissors at Cheshire]**

**Cheshire: Miss.**

**Alice: Pardon?**

**Cheshire: No he missed, literally.**

**Alice: Can I leave now?**

**Mad Hatter: No! The dormouse just woke up.**

**Alice: So.**

**Cheshire: What he means is the dormouse will tell us all a story.**

**March Hare: please do!**

**Dormouse: Hold your teacups, I shall sing instead. Twinkle twinkle little skunk how I wonder if your drunk…[at that note the dormouse falls asleep]**

**Mad Hatter: What a shame and I wanted to know what happened to the skunk.**

**Alice: Now can I go?**

**Mad Hatter: It's may I and no we have business to discuss, come.**

**March Hare: The Dormouse is too big and can't fit into the teapot!**

**A Hatters Curse**

**Mad Hatter: I'm thinking of words that start with M. Have any?**

**Alice: Mad.**

**Mad Hatter: There is a reason why we brought you here you know.**

**Alice: Why are you mad, Hatter?**

**Mad Hatter: Why is a raven like a writing desk?**

**Alice: I don't know.**

**Mad Hatter: Exactly, some things must stay a riddle while others are meant to be solved. In this case it is to stay a riddle.**

**Alice: Why?**

**Mad Hatter: You ask too much.**

**Alice: I'm leaving.**

**Mad Hatter: Drink this. [He hands her a small bottle saying drink me]**

**Alice: Oh no not the bottle again.**

**Mad Hatter: Red knights!**

**[At him saying this Alice quickly drinks the bottle]**

**Mad Hatter: Heh.**

**Alice: I'm tiny!**

**Mad Hatter: [He picks her up and sets her on the brim of his hat] There now you can't leave for if you try to jump off this hat, you will die.**

**Alice: What about your shoulder?**

**Mad Hatter: Same reaction.**

**Alice: What about your arm?**

**Mad Hatter: That too. But the foot on the other hand … it will not kill you. I hope.**

**Alice: Cheater.**

**Mad Hatter: Alice you have lost your muchness.**

**Alice: My what!**

**Mad Hatter: You used to be much more muchier.**

**Alice: [Ignoring the Hatters quote] you still have not told me why you are mad.**

**Mad Hatter: And I won't. [He takes her off his hat and sets he down and walks away]**

**Alice: You just can not leave me here!**

**Mad Hatter: Yes I can [chuckles].**

**Alice: No you can't. I have to slay the… [Dormouse holds up card that reads "Jabberwocky".] Jabberwocky.**

**Mad Hatter: Wait, how did you know that?**

**Alice: [She looks at Dormouse holding up a flash card in the background that said "It was just a lucky guess"]**

**It was just a lucky guess.**

**Mad Hatter: Your luck won't last very long.**

**[Alice looks at the Dormouse and the dormouse shrugs]**

**Alice: Thanks a lot. You little rat!**

**Mad Hatter: Cat?**

**Dormouse: Cat!**

**Alice: Cat?**

**Cheshire: You called?**

**Mad Hatter: It's the cat! [Pointing to Cheshire]**

**Cheshire: Yes and what a lovely hat you have.**

**Mad Hatter: Stay away from my hat you cat. [He holds on to his hat and pulls out his pair of scissors.]**

**Cheshire: No matter how hard you try to kill me Hatter I will only disappear.**

**Alice: Do you have a bad habit of trying to kill him with scissors?**

**Dormouse: Rabbit?**

**Mad Hatter: Rabbit!**

**Alice: Dear god.**

**March Hare: spoon…**

**Alice: They're all back! As soon as I think I've left almost all of this Mad Tea Party they come back! That is it I'm leaving.**

**Mad Hatter: You can't.**

**Alice: Why?**

**Mad Hatter: [imitating Alice] You have to slay the Jabberwocky.**

**Alice: Can't you bring me to Salzen Grum Hatter?**

**Mad Hatter: Are you mad?**

**March Hare: No you are. [Starts laughing]**

**Mad Hatter: We shall take you to see the White Queen first.**

**Alice: Who?**

**The Walk….**

**Alice: I'm still tiny you know.**

**Mad Hatter: Yes and you are still on my hat.**

**Alice: Can I get off?**

**Mad Hatter: I'll give you three choices. One you could jump off and die. Two I could give you cake and let you walk for a while. Or three stay on my hat.**

**Alice: I'll walk.**

**Mad Hatter: Ok but I'm warning you, you must keep walking and it is a far, long, tiring, walk.**

**Alice: Just give me the cake Hatter.**

**[Mad Hatter gives her the cake and she eats all of it]**

**[Alice quickly jumps off his hat for she thought it was a beautiful hat and did not want to ruin it]**

**Mad Hatter: Oh dear, I'm afraid you had to much of that cake no muchness Alice.**

**Alice: I do look rather intimidating don't I?**

**Mad Hatter: Remember we must walk.**

**Alice: What is this? [She pulls out a card off his hat that reads 10/6]**

**Mad Hatter: It's a price [chuckles] to be paid.**

**Alice: Oh I thought it was a size.**

**Mad Hatter: Do you see that?**

**Alice: See What?**

**Mad Hatter: That.**

**Alice: Why I don't see anything you must be imagining….. HATTER!**

**Mad Hatter: If you see a horse, ride it.**

**Alice: What if its one of the Red Knights?**

**Mad Hatter: My dear it is white.**

**Alice: It's white?**

**Mad Hatter: As snow.**

**Alice: Like that lady over there?**

**Mad Hatter: [Happily] it's the White Queen! Well done Alice.**

**Alice: We must have walked farther than I thought.**

**White Queen: Hatter is this who I think it is?**

**Mad Hatter: Alice.**

**Alice: Yes?**

**White Queen: Tis is Alice. My darling we have been waiting for you.**

**Alice: Yeah, yeah to slay the Jabberwocky I know.**

**White Queen: You told her Hatter? [The Mad Hatter shakes his head no.] Then who did?**

**Mad Hatter: I know that's the problem she knows too much.**

**White Queen: This is terrible; we will never be able to make a long**

**Play at this rate. [She looks at the audience then at Alice then back at Hatter]**

**Mad Hatter: We should send her to see the Tweedles that should save us some time.**

**White Queen: Good idea.**

**Alice: Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum?**

**Mad Hatter: Yes Alice you remember!**

**Alice: How could I forget?**

**Mad Hatter: Easily, now come.**

**White Queen: I wish you luck Alice!**

**Alice: Ha and you say my luck won't last.**

**Mad Hatter: Did I say that?**

**Alice: You know where the Tweedle's home is right?**

**Mad Hatter: Like I do making hats.**

**Alice: What's that suppose to mean?**

**Mad Hatter: I don't know but it sounded nice.**

**The Tweedle's**

**Alice: Are we there yet?**

**Mad Hatter: No.**

**Alice: Are we there now?**

**Mad Hatter: No.**

**Alice: Are we here?**

**Mad Hatter: Yes but we have to go there.**

**Alice: There where?**

**Mad Hatter: We're here.**

**Tweedle Dee: Is that Hatter?**

**Tweedle Dum: I suppose.**

**Tweedle Dee: What about Alice?**

**Tweedle Dum: Yes.**

**Mad Hatter: I bid you farewell Alice.**

**Alice: Farewell?**

**Mad Hatter: Goodbye.**

**Alice: I'll make him pay later.**

**Tweedle Dee: Alice do you want to here a poem.**

**Tweedle Dum: What lovely poems he says.**

**Alice: If it means to make this play longer than it already is than yes.**

**Tweedle Dee: Alright then. [When he starts to say the first part of the jabberwocky poem they are startled by and echo in the background.]**

**Echo: Twas' brilling and the slithy toves did grye and gamble in the wabe. Alice the mimsy where the borogroves and the mome raths outgrabe.**

**[Alice then sees a bright green eye that disappears and out comes Hatter]**

**Mad Hatter: [in an Irish accent] beware the Jabberwocky my son, the claws that snatch and the teeth that bite.**

**Tweedle Dum: That wasn't even the poem Dee was going to say.**

**Tweedle Dee: Yes it was.**

**Tweedle Dum: Then how come you didn't say it.**

**Tweedle Dee: Because someone else did before I got to.**

**Tweedle Dum: Like who?**

**Tweedle Dee: How should I know?**

**Tweedle Dum: I don't know.**

**Tweedle Dee: Lets blame it on Alice.**

**Tweedle Dum: She's still here?**

**Tweedle Dee: Where else would see be?**

**Tweedle Dum: Gone.**

**Tweelde Dee: Gone where?**

**Alice: Would you two stop that?**

**Mad Hatter: Stop what?**

**Alice: Nothing.**

**Mad Hatter: There is always a something to nothing.**

**Alice: Not for long.**

**PAUSE**

**sorry its not much but i will continue as soon as i can**

**Mad Hatter: There is always a something to nothing.**

**Alice: Not for long. ( evil thought! lol)  
>Mad Hatter: Alice are you okay?<strong>

**Alice: Perfectly fine. ( laughs insanely )**

**Mad Hatter: O_o**

**Alice: To the White Queens Castle!**

**Mad Hatter: ( To the audiance ) And they think I'm crazy...**

** Memoreal Castle**

**White Queen: Did you talk to the garden lately?**

**Servant: No your majesty.**

**White Queen: You should then.**

**Servant: Of coarse your majesty.**

**White Queen: Very well then.**

**- Alice and the Hatter enter -**

**White Queen: I beleive we have guest Bayard.**

**Bayard: BARK!**

**Alice: I brought the Hatter with me.**

**White Queen: Why?**

**Alice: Nah I just brought him so he can stand over there and look pretty. I brought him to retreive the Vorpal Sword for you.**

**Mad Hatter: To do WHAT?**

**Alice: You heard me, go get it.**

**Mad Hatter: But..**

**Alice: NOW.**

**Mad Hatter: ok... - He leaves depressed to get the Vorpal Sword -**

**White Queen: You sent the Hatter? ( Starts to panic )**

**Alice: Shh... I have the Sword.**

**White Queen: - She looks at the play script - When?**

**Alice: When the Tweedles were arguing.**

**White Queen: Oh...**

**White Queen(continued):Oh... then why did you make him go get the sword?  
><strong>

**Alice:Oh, ... no reason... just that I already have it :D**

White Queen: Child your the best! But poor hatter D: we have to save him!

Alice: No you don't.

White Queen: Why my dear?

Alice: Why I was on his hat in chapter... 2 and 3 I put a tracking device in his hat.

White Queen: YOU DID WHAT!

- Mad Hatter enters -

Mad Hatter: Sorry Alice I couldn't find the sword and... whats that?

Alice: Oh nothing - she hides the tracking device -

White Queen: - Whispers to the Mad Hatter - She's Stalking you...

Mad Hatter: ...

PAUSE:

I wanted to write a deleted part from the story because it was to scary XD for little kids...

DELETED SCENE:

Retreiving the Vorpal Sword

Alice: Now where could it be. - She looks in the bandesnatch's house - Not him!

-she walks in slowly a mess from the last battle ( also deleted scence ) -

Bandersnatch: GRRRRR!

- Alice yanks the bandersnatch by the colar-

LISTEN YOU, I HAVE BEEN BOTHERED BY A MAD TEA PARTY THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE PLAY, WALKING WITH THAT GUY - POINTS TO HATTER, HATTER WAVES INNOCENTLY- FOR THREE HOURS WHO HAS BEEN DRIVING ME NUTS, LISTENING TO THE TWEEDLES ARGUE, TALK TO A STUPID QUEEN WHO DOESN'T KNOW HER SCRIPT VERY WELL... AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOU ... please stand by... SO GIVE ME THAT ... .. SWORD SO I CAN GET THIS OVER WITH! - ALICE GROWLS-

BANDERSNATCH: -whimpers-

ALICE: yay :D

UNPAUSE

(Back to the real stuff)

Mad Hatter:WHAT?(what he really should be saying:It's ok. I stalk her all the time!)

Alice: What?

White Queen: Nothing.

Alice: There is always a something to nothing.

White Queen: Come along dear.

Mad Hatter: O_o

**The armor and The Sword. A map?**

- Alice points to the place in the script -

White Queen: Oh. I know you have to sword.

Alice: Yep.

White Queen: Now all you need is a map.

Alice: A map!

White Queen: The map of Salazen Grumm.

Alice: Oh, that makes much more sense! -_-

White Queen: You may only find the map in a garden.

Alice: Wow, which one. All Underland is, is a garden!

White Queen: The flower garden, ask the Hatter. He should know where it is.

Alice: Okay, go on.

White Queen: There you will have to talk to the old rose.

Alice: Thats simple.

White Queen: Yes, but you must know there are weeds, bugs, and the red queen's gardeners.

Alice: Weeds? Bugs? Theres nothing to be afraid of.

White Queen: Yes, but Underland's insects and plants are very large. They can get very dangerous too.  
>I made up a bag full of stuff you need to get the map - she hands her the bag - oh and take this key too,<br>its for the chest where the map is located. If you forgot everything I said don't worry I wrote it on paper.

- the white queen ties the key on alice's neck-

White Queen: Good luck darling!

Alice: Ok wheres Hatter? And thank you!

White Queen: The Hatter? Oh he is allready outside.


End file.
